MARRIAGE

Marriage is, to say the least, an interesting and incredible journey in life. Dave and I met in May of 1970. That was virtually a lifetime ago. I was 17 years old, a junior in high school, and he was 23 and fresh out of the Navy. We got married when I was 19 years old and he was 25. That was August 26th, 1972. We were so young! We have been married for 38 years now. I wish I had some profound wisdom and great insight to offer younger married couples on how to make a marriage work and last. But I have to admit that all I have to offer are some lessons learned through years of experience. We all start marriage with big ideals of having the perfect happily ever after fairytale marriage. We see a future of romance, undying love, and intimacy…a special partnership that will last a lifetime. Yet, as we all know, the reality is that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Most of us go into marriage with baggage from our pasts…whether it is an abusive background, alienation from family members, parents with dysfunctional marriages, divorced parents, or just traumas that affect us all as part of growing up in today’s society. Dave and I both came into this marriage with a lot of baggage. There is no instruction manual for the perfect marriage, but the Bible does give us all the insight, guidance and instruction we really need to have the kind of marriage that God has planned for us. If we would just apply His principles to our lives I am convinced there would be a lot less couples getting divorced. So, two individuals from totally different backgrounds come together, say their vows and are told to go out into the world and procreate. That’s the easy part! It’s the day to day living in this thing called “marriage” that is hard to do. Sometimes it is amazingly easy and sometimes it is extremely difficult.

Through the years Dave and I have definitely had our ups and downs. We are, after all, as opposite in personalities as two people ever could be. I see the cup half empty and Dave sees the cup half full. Actually, Ryan described it perfectly once when he said: “Dad doesn’t just see the cup half full. He sees it full and running over when there’s absolutely nothing in it.” Anybody that knows Dave at all knows that to be true! We have been through some really good times and some overwhelmingly difficult times. It has been a long and arduous journey but I know we’ve both learned a lot along the way. I know I have. I have learned to try to see things from his perspective. I’ve had to learn how to understand his needs and wants even though they are so completely different from mine. I have learned to focus on, appreciate and cherish the good qualities in Dave. He actually has a lot of them if I take the time to focus on them. I have learned that sometimes it’s better to be happy than to be right. That one is really hard for me. I’m still working on it but I think I’m making progress! I’ve had to learn to forgive over and over again. That kind of reminds me of how God must feel about me sometimes. I know I’ve committed my share of transgressions in life and in this relationship. I am ever so grateful for God’s grace and mercy in my life. I’ve also had to learn to show that kind of grace and mercy to my partner. I have learned that perseverance and determination pay off in the long run. There is such a great and rewarding sense of accomplishment and satisfaction in working together through the tough times and coming through them stronger and happier as a couple. Giving up is the easy way out. We both chose not to go that route. For that I am ever so grateful. I am so thankful for a partner that chose to stay with me and work through the difficulties of life together. That’s how love grows, becomes deeper and matures. That is what true love is. It’s not what the movies portray it to be. It is working together to make your partner’s life better. It is being loving and supportive through the good times and the bad. It is unconditional love. It is forgiving even when you don’t feel like it. It is determination and hard work. It is compassion. It is patience. It is commitment. It is one of the most challenging yet rewarding and wonderful things in life. It is what God had in mind when He created man and woman. I am convinced that it makes God smile. When He looks down at Dave and Julie I think He must say: “I know it wasn’t easy but it was what I planned for you…to love and appreciate and cherish one another…to forgive one another…to show grace and mercy…to be an example of my love. “

So, Dave, after 38 years of marriage I just want to say that I love you now more than ever and that I’m so grateful that you are my life partner. I’m thankful for the efforts you have made to make this marriage better. God has literally performed miracles in our marriage and I know He will continue to strengthen us as a couple in the future. I hope to spend the rest of my life with you…however many years God grants us together. I can’t even begin to imagine life without you. Thank you for loving me, for being patient with me, for forgiving me over and over again when I’ve failed, for supporting and encouraging me. This is indeed true love. You have been and always will be the love of my life.