Father's Day

Today was Father’s Day. This is always a hard day for me. This is a hard day for people that don’t have fathers. It’s also a hard day for people that have fathers that have been abusive or neglectful or absent in their lives. It’s so indescribably painful to have a father that doesn’t love you. Every human being born into this world needs a father that will love and cherish them. So, when you don’t have that there is something very important missing in your life. There is an enormous void.

The immensity of this has weighed heavy on me today. My heart grieves on this day. I grew up with a dad that not only didn’t love me but hated everything about me. He was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to the point that sometimes I thought I was going to die or I just wanted to die. I seriously could write a book about the horrible things he said and did to me. They were things that no child should ever have to endure. I lived in terror and fear of him every day of my life. Any little thing might set him off into a violent rage and he would take it out on me. When I was 19 he disowned me. He is still living but I have not seen him for 38 years. As far as he is concerned I am dead. He actually had a funeral service and buried me. My whole life I wanted more than anything in the world for him to love me. I so desperately needed him to love me. I always thought if I was just good enough, or perfect enough, or tried harder I could make him love me. I thought that there must be something terribly wrong with me. I thought I was unlovable. I felt unworthy of love. I grew up feeling that way about myself most of my life.

When I was a young girl in church people would say “think of God as a father”. I had a hard time with that concept because I already had an abusive father that hated me. Why would I want another one? That idea scared me so badly that I could never think of God in that way.

It wasn’t until I married Dave and we had children of our own that I was able to see God as a loving father. Dave was, and continues to be an amazing father to our 3 boys. He loves them and would do absolutely anything for them. I am ever so grateful that my children have had that kind of father. They have been so blessed. I’m not always sure they truly appreciate how fortunate they are to have such a great dad. I think kids that grow up with loving, attentive, caring fathers take it for granted to some extent because they don't know how painful life can be without one. They have no idea what it’s like to have a dad that doesn’t love you or care about you or, even worse, hates you.

So, for all of you that have wonderful, loving dads, please let them know how much you love and appreciated them. You are truly blessed…truly blessed.